i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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