Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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