Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
