I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
