This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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