I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
tell me about the eggs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
