i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
