seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
