brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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