the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
