i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
