he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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