So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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