my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
