It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
