Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize