He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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