I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
