4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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