was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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