Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
