Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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