I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
