She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
