You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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