Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
