Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
