she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
