White coat. Heels.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
