Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
