I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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