So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
