I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
