"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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