She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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