I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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