Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
