Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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