so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
