Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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