i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
