It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
