VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
