I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
stop calling my apartment porn island.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
