She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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