just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
