Got a toothbrush?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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