Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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