he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
