I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
