Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
