Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
