Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
