she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
