i don't like sucking hair
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
