I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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