I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
