Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
