It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
