i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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