Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize