The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i drank out of a bidet.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
