Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is Oprah even human
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
