Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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