He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
