he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
