I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
