He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
